The Perfect Quote

So if any of you know me, you know that my memory is somewhat of a... unique thing. For those of you that don't know me, simply put, my memory is about as consistent as my classes are useful. I also can sometimes have quite the speaking... experience, akin to butchering the English language with the cut and paste function. These two things combined, sometimes make me quite the story teller, in the sense that I should just stop talking.



You may be thinking, "Wow this kid must really suck," yea, pretty much. However, I can remember quotes from movies like its no one's business. Combine this talent with my uncanny ability to use quotes from movies people haven't seen, my formidable memory, and mastery of speech and you're left with some pretty hit or miss situations. Every now and then however, my true talent and only one of my disabilities will shine through. A beautiful moment where I apply the perfect quote to people that haven't seen the movie (or don't recognize the quote) and it still makes everyone laugh. I have to share one of these experiences with you now.



So I was in a room with 3 people I've known for a total of 5 minutes and one friend I haven't seen in 3 years. Needless to say, it was a pretty awkward situation seeing as some of other people in the room didn't know each other either. First, there's one thing about my diet over school breaks you have to understand -- its made up entirely of as little solid food as possible and as much Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper/Pibb Xtra as I can fill my stomach with. Its what keeps me pretty. This understandably, forces me to make deposits to the porcelain bank frequently, I even have a card--only two more punches and I get to wet the bed. That being said, I used it as my scapegoat to escape the awkward as hell situation. To avoid even more awkward energy in the room, I delicately vomited the words "Do you have a bathroom?" to the guy whose house it was. This guy, obviously high, starts with "uhhh... downstairs and you make a... left? then a..." so I cut him off with this deal sealer, "Oh yeah, room with the toilet!" and make my way out before I could laugh. As I left the room everyone started laughing -- it was magnificent, I'm sure a baby was born somewhere. A cute baby, not one of the really ugly ones. Phew, I almost ran out of bread for that crumb trail. Hope you were more fortunate than Hansel and Gretel and could follow it.

I could die happy.