i hope this isn't too ubiquitously easter-y

I just saw a commercial where a chocolate bunny hops over to a peanut butter jar. They begin to cuddle, which means the bunny is rubbing his nose to the jar, and then BAM. There’s lovin' music and steam everywhere. The announcer's saying some almost clever innuendo as apparently chocolate peanut butter eggs float on the screen.

When I was a little kid, I took commercials like this to heart. In the middle of the night, I'd sneak downstairs and rub my chocolate bunnies on the jar of peanut butter (having no idea that I was facilitating sweet, sugary porn) hoping for the magic appearance of steam and pseudo babies. Obviously, I was sourly disappointed, sitting in my pantry with nothing but some stupid chocolate and peanut butter. After I got to thinking about the commercial and the memory, I realized how stupid I was. Wait, no, how stupid the commercials were.

I’ve never seen a chocolate bunny who had the parts necessary to lay an egg or get laid or something, and I’d assume that rabbits make baby rabbits, and peanut butter makes ½ of this, so since when do prenatal birds (sort of) get involved? It probably has something to do with the stork. So not only is our chocolate having sex with my favorite condiment, but they’re having bad, three second sex. There was no strokin’ (check out Oleh’s video); there was just steam.

What is this teaching out children? Bad science and bedroom skillz? Something about how Jesus isn’t important anymore? I really don’t know, man, but how does this make me want to buy peanut butter eggs?