out east

so my parents decided to take me out east to visit colleges that i have no chance of getting into. coincidentally, this requires me to spend a lot of time with my family cause we're driving everywhere. now don't take the previous statement the wrong way; i generally have no problems with my family. its just that my mom adn brother can get on my nerves pretty easily. its my dad thats the problem. we have a history of not always seeing eye to eye (thats putting it quite lightly), but it has become much more apparent during our trip. in the past these arguments were one-sided (he yells, i look at the ground, punishment, argument over), but now in my older age i stand up for myself more often. over this week, i have been pushing him farther and farther by pointing out his irrationality. he does not know how to deal with this, however, because i am not the small little boy that i used to be. please note that although i am no small person, my dad could still kick my ass if it came down to it (as it has in the past). i dont want for this to come to violence or for either of us to "win", but rather for him to stop destroying our family. im not sure how to do it, and every passing day makes me yearn to just go to college and forget him. half of me wants to walk away, whereas the other half still wants to try and fix him. i look back and realize that he has made progress over the years, but it is hardly enough. he blames all of his problems on alcohol and drugs (he has been aldohol free for 2 years, and takes concerta and ritalin for his add), but i cant stand this. everyday i hope that i am not following in his footsteps and becoming him. it seems as if most other things dont matter anymore. school, friends, and everything else is sort of a blur. i havent had a passion for anything in such a long time that it hurts to think that im wasting everything that i have been given. maybe my dad being who he is has given me a passion to not become him. maybe thats just what i need.